Can You Love Someone and Hate the Idea of Marriage With Them? Like is it possible to be in love but not want marriage?

A certified relationship expert explores the emotional, psychological, and practical reasons behind loving someone  but rejecting the idea of marrying them.

 

Love is a powerful emotion. It can make us feel alive, connected, and deeply seen. But what happens when you’re truly in love with someone—yet the thought of marrying them feels wrong, scary, or even impossible?

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As a certified relationship expert, I can tell you: yes, it’s entirely possible to love someone and still not want to marry them. And this doesn’t automatically mean there’s something wrong with you—or even with the relationship.

 

Let’s unpack what that really means.

Love vs. Marriage: Two Different Commitments

Many people confuse love with readiness for marriage, but they are not the same. Love is an emotion. Marriage is a lifestyle choice and legal contract that involves shared responsibilities, long-term planning, and often, societal or family expectations.

 

You can love someone deeply but:

• Feel unready for the demands of marriage
• Be afraid of losing your independence
• Struggle with financial or career uncertainty
• Have past trauma or negative beliefs about marriage
• Disagree with your partner on key values (like parenting, religion, or money)

In these cases, it’s not the person you’re rejecting—it’s the idea of marriage itself.

 

Emotional Red Flags: When the Discomfort Is About the Relationship

However, if the thought of marrying that specific person fills you with dread, hesitation, or sadness, it’s time to look inward.

 

Ask yourself:

• Do I trust them with my future?
• Can I picture us solving problems together over decades?
• Am I afraid we’ll grow apart or lose what we have?

 

Sometimes, the fear of marriage is actually your intuition whispering that this person may not be your long-term match—even if you’re in love right now.

 

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Cultural & Personal Beliefs Around Marriage

It’s also important to remember that marriage isn’t everyone’s end goal. Some people are:

• Spiritually committed, but don’t believe in legal marriage
• Avoidant of labels, preferring emotional freedom
• From families or cultures where marriage is linked to control or trauma
• Focused on healing, personal growth, or career before tying the knot

If this is your truth, you must communicate it clearly and compassionately to your partner—especially if they see marriage as essential.

 

What to Do If You’re in This Situation

1. Be Honest With Yourself First:

Explore your reasons for resisting marriage. Are they temporary? Emotional? Philosophical?

 

2. Talk to Your Partner:

Don’t avoid the conversation. Be vulnerable. Explain your feelings without blaming them or yourself.

 

3. Seek Couples Counseling:

A licensed relationship expert can help you both navigate this tension with clarity and empathy.

 

4. Revisit Your Vision of Love:

Can you build a lifelong relationship without a wedding? Do you both value love over labels?

 

Yes, you can love someone deeply and still not want to marry them. But for a relationship to thrive, both people must be aligned in their vision of commitment.

 

It’s not just about whether you love them—it’s about whether your paths are walking in the same direction.

Don’t let guilt, pressure, or fear silence your truth. In today’s world, there is no one-size-fits-all version of love—and that’s okay.